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I'm not sure how I got the inspiration for this post, but here goes-each National (and selected minor leaguers) in a sentence (I would do it in full Twitter style with the @ and the # but I don't really know what they mean).

Pitchers

Joe Beimel-Improving, almost to the point where he lives up to Legend status again.

Jesus Colome-3 earned runs in his last 4 innings actually brought his ERA down a run. Funny how this time last month I was begging for him to be back already.

Ross Detwiler-Exhibit A on why 2 years is too early to give up on a top 10 draft pick.

Joel Hanrahan-Carlos Marmol clone? Can't handle the pressure of closing, so leave him as a solid set-up guy. Couldn't be unluckier this year.

John Lannan-Old nickname: "Lucky Lannan." New nickname: "Old Faithful."

Mike MacDougal-Excellent through 7 games. Guest starring in T.I.'s next remix of "Whatever you like," rapping the line "If you've got me, you don't need Joe Beimel."

Shairon Martis-The 2003 Tigers didn't have someone with a .833 winning percentage!

Craig Stammen-Rushed to the Majors too fast. Look at his AAA numbers this year-shiny ERA, but 3.15 K/9. Should have let him get into a further groove. 1st on my list to go down for seasoning when Olsen returns.

Julian Tavarez-Performing about as expected by most projections, except with no suspensions to date. Expect that to change soon.

Ron Villone-Should have traded him while his ERA was still 0...

Kip Wells-Shouldn't have been signed in the first place, shouldn't have been brought up to ML in the first place, shouldn't have forced Bergmann back to AAA, shouldn't be a Major League Baseball player anymore.

Jordan Zimmermann-Excellent K/9 and BB/9 ratios prove that the extra "n" really does stand for knowledge.

Catchers/Infielders

Josh Bard-2009 version of Matt LeCroy/Robert Fick in the arm department, sans Frank Robinson tears.

Wil Nieves-2009 version of Gary Bennett in the bat department, sans steroids.

Ronnie Belliard-The last time he was hitting this bad, his team won the WS, so don't give up on the season yet! Get Rizzo to throw that line out during trade negotiations and we could fetch some top prospects.

Adam Dunn-Still listed as an infielder on the Nats.com roster page. Shouldn't he be listed as the DH? And throw your theories on the improved batting average out the window, it's back to its projected level.

Alberto Gonzalez-Not gonna lie, Bert is my new favorite middle infielder. If he keeps hitting like this off the bench, he's 2005 Rick Short with a glove and speed.

Cristian Guzman-DH'ed tonight. Props to whoever wants to come up with 5 worse DH's the Nats have started since they came about...shouldn't be too hard. Did Fick ever DH? J.J. Davis?

Anderson Hernandez-The reverse Sampson, as he cut his hair and found awe-striking power.

Nick Johnson-Can be found singing "where is the glove?" FJB, I have the solution-a lack of lightning bolts shaved into his hair.

Ryan Zimmerman-I am glad we found the missing piece from the 2005 Nats 4 seasons later. SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DRAFT FOR NEED? YOU END UP ON PACE FOR 110 LOSSES!

Outfielders

Elijah Dukes-According to Dibs, the only peaceful thing in his life is the "statue-like" way he stands when the pitcher is in his windup.

Willie Harris-He's hoping Sosa doesn't rat him out, even though he laid off the roids this season after a stunning 13 HR year in 2008.

Austin Kearns-The subject of a lot of scorn around the Natmosphere right now, which is the reason Mike Rizzo is the acting GM and not any of us. Walks are up (and even though strikeouts are up as well, his BB/K ratio has improved), isolated power has improved and defense is still there. A slump is a slump, it's just too bad it coincided with Willingham's absence.

Corey Patterson-You have no idea how much it hurts me to see him on the active roster. I am a Cubs fan too, you know. I still haven't taken the Mark Prior autograph off of my mantle, but I have long denounced the walkless wonder.

DL/40 Man

Collin Balester-Looking better in AAA now, should be in the rotation rather than Stammen.

Jason Bergmann-I hope for the sake of Bergmannia's sanity that they trade or release him soon. He's a good pitcher, but has been thrown around worse than Chris Schroder. He's better than Colome, Wells and Tavarez, yet the FO continues to shove him to Syracuse.

Tyler Clippard-Should be in the Majors as well. Seriously, what's keeping them from calling him up? He's given up 4 earned runs in 36 and 2/3 innings in AAA! FREE TYLER CLIPPARD!!!!

Marco Estrada-Gut call, but I doubt we see him in the Majors ever again. Wasn't impressed last year, not impressed this year, just a gut call though.

Garrett Mock-I think his future lies as a reliever even though they're trying to stretch him out. Regardless, he'll get a chance to start in August/September when the rookies start hitting their innings limits.

Saul Rivera-ERA in AAA looks good, but he's given up almost as many unearned runs (8) as earned runs (9) in only 22 and 2/3 innings. I still don't think he should have been sent down in the first place (3 HR in 11 and 2/3 innings out of a guy who gave up 8 HR in 237 and 1/3 innings in his ML career beforehand).

Terrell Young-Hey, at least we didn't waste $25k yet!

Jesus Flores-I don't know that we've ever needed Jesus more than right now...

Luke Montz-Like Estrada, my gut says he's not a future Major Leaguer. His 2009 stats are backing that theory up right now.

Ian Desmond-Not the second coming of Derek Jeter unless he also has an STD.

Dmitri Young-With the addition of Adam Dunn, at least there's a secondary answer when you he asks "does my Ass look fat?"

Roger Bernadina-WHY DID YOU HAVE TO GET HURT??? DIDN'T YOU FORSEE THE COREY PATTERSON CALL-UP?????

Justin Maxwell-Prospect window is closing. Hopefully Michael Burgess is not the second coming of Justin Maxwell.

Lastings Milledge-Why can't you just learn how to play center field? Whyyyyyyy? That would simplify things so well!

Josh Willingham-Play yourself onto a contender, Hammer! Funny how we could probably flip him now for more than we gave up in that trade...

Ryan Langerhans-FREE RYAN LANGERHANS!!!

Prospects/Draft Picks

Drew Storen-every day I like Storen better, especially when he says stuff like this: "It’s not all about get up there and throw it as hard as you can. That’s not pitching. It doesn’t matter how hard you throw."

A.J. Morris-Real Baseball Intelligence, which claims to be "60% more accurate at ranking than the average MLB team," is high on the kid, at 19th overall. So am I, although maybe not at 19th overall levels.

Derek Norris-Hard to criticize our biggest breakout prospect, but he really needs to cut down on the K's. Plus, he's going to need to perfect his game now, before Bryce Harper gets here.

Chris Marrero-Seriously has a 1 speed rating on The Baseball Cube.