Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Somehow this fell through the cracks

But it's good for a laugh:

From Big League Stew:

10 'moves' the Nats can make to become next season's Rays

Because of a combination of maturing young players, shrewd moves by the front office and deft managing by Joe Maddon, the Tampa Bay Rays leaped from having Major League Baseball's worst record in 2007 to the World Series a season later.

But what about the worst team in the majors this past season? Can the Washington Nationals make a similar way for themselves in '09? Most baseball experts probably would say no way. However, D.C. could take steps to emerge from 100-plus defeat, injury riddled, embarrassing baseball.

Here are 10 ways the Nats can become the next Rays — or something like that:

10. Be firm and tell Elijah Dukes "no" to the unlimited threatening texts and free explicit video plan he wants for his mobile phone.

9. Tough love in '09: No disabled list.

8. One exception: List oft-oft-injured Nick Johnson out for the season, thanks to mysterious turkey poisoning at Thanksgiving, thus clearing roster space for Mark Teixeira

7. Have bugs installed in the visitor's clubhouse by former Sec. of State (and big Nats fan) Henry Kissinger as they can pay off big-time.

6. Even though his name suggests he'll spend several dates performing at the Kennedy Center with Placido Domingo and Jose Carreras, second baseman Emilio Bonifacio must put his dream of becoming a NL All-Star before his dream of becoming one of The Three Tenors.

5. Protect brittle superstar third baseman Ryan Zimmerman this off-season by encasing him entirely in Nerf.

4. Nix harebrained scheme of GM Jim Bowden to pick up "Devil" nickname on waivers from Tampa and transform "Nationals" to "Devil Gnats."

3. Sit down outfielder Austin Kearns, tell him that he should have been a country singer as his name obviously suggests, kick him out the door, and sign Adam Dunn to play left.

2. Stan Kasten out, Dick Cheney in, as team president.

1. Prevent the exotic Japanese artist that staff ace John Lannan has been dating from breaking up the starting rotation.

1 comment:

  1. I'm sad about Dimitri Young. And that's all I'm gonna say about it!


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